The sermon touched briefly on the Gospel lesson and Pastor Michelle reminded the congregation that the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty. Faith and doubt work hand in hand. I can testify to this from my experiences with my immediate family. My son, myself and particularly my wife are all resolute skeptics who discover our truths by starting from questions and doubts. Often our richest conversations begin by raising questions about some facile acceptance of how we understand a current topic of discussion. Pastor Michelle also inverted the phrase "Seeing is believing" to "Believing is seeing" which gave me some insight into what I eventually accept as true.
What a difference a year and a unique Holy Week experience can make. Last year the service for me was about touching the scars of past experiences with this Gospel. My pastor at the time, perhaps because of my age, emphasized believing (creed and dogma) and behaving (rules and techniques) as requirements to belonging in his church. I wrote about how Thomas has been misunderstood fairly thoroughly.
My perspective was not the same today as last year. After listening to today's Gospel and reflecting on God showing up from last week, I pondered more about what belonging here means, together with judgments and assumptions of some regarding who is at worship with us and who isn't.
John 20:24 - "But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came."
Simple statement of fact. No reason, no motive given. Yet many feel they know enough about Thomas, through past accounts in the Bible, that they can explain reasons and motives:
"Thomas wanted to be alone with his pain."
"Thomas abandoned the other disciples."
"Thomas was afraid."
"Thomas felt the group should break up."
Often I see similar speculations when someone does not show up for worship for a while at Creator or decides to attend another church. People think they know what is up and what motivated any decisions that were made, even if they end up being denied by those persons themselves. Gradually, in trying to be thoughtful, the personal dimensions of our common journey are disregarded rather than discovered.
This also carries forward with an odd obsession over a one-upmanship contest that is stated in the Easter Gospel - Who knew Jesus was raised from the dead first? The order of who knew he was raised and who he appeared to all seem to be of great import and concern.
John 20:3:8 - Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus' head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed...The spiritual importance of who reached the tomb first and who went in eludes me but seems to be very important to the writer of John.
If there is any importance to me of Jesus appearing last to Thomas among the disciples, it is of the last-is-first and the first-is-last variety to my ear. If other disciples did anything more than listen to Jesus it is not recorded in this account. In contrast Thomas is addressed personally and his answer to Jesus' "Do not doubt but believe." is recorded "My Lord and my God!"
That is an important and dramatic recognition.
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