March 5, 2023 - Second Sunday in Lent - Being Born Again, Starting Again, Learning Again

The story of Nicodemus appearing as this week's Gospel text confirms what I am exploring in Lent and also compliments as well as contains this longing for God's truth wherever the journey may lead.

People who have followed this blog may know my initial reason for beginning this writing. I wanted to answer my son's heartfelt question, "Why do people worship every week". Currently he does not connect with the repetitious structure of the liturgy and hearing only the pastor preaching on the scripture. My reason does not come from a concern about how often my son attends church or whether he will follow Lutheran traditions. I admit I don't have a corner on how to keep Sabbath holy..

Today's Nicodemus' story runs almost disturbingly like my own.  My current life is a reflection and a result of all I have done to devote myself to a spiritual life, mostly through Christianity.  Five years ago my wife Mary shared a sermon she had found on YouTube about Nicodemus.  Colin Smith was the preacher. Mary was exploring the Nicodemus story and being born again. She thought I would appreciate the ideas Smith expressed and I did at the time.

Smith first emphasized the life Nicodemus had led until his meeting with Jesus. His life was a reflection and a result of all he had done to follow a holy life. This was a man who knew how to keep the Sabbath holy. Smith asked those listening to his sermon to put themselves in his shoes and also to imagine they were master builders of their faith lives, like Nicodemus was in his faith life, who built a house that could represent that life with discipline and integrity.

Smith then asked us to imagine that Nicodemus wanted to share this house he had built with his lifetime of faith. From what he first shares with Jesus we can assume Nicodemus recognized him as a master builder of faith and belief. Nicodemus wanted to share his life with Jesus, as one master builder might want to share with another, a house he has personally planned and built through his lifetime of attention and perseverance.

Nicodemus, perhaps, intended to ask, from one builder to another, the questions that would help to make this project of his lifetime of faith and belief even better. He did not expect the response he received. What Jesus essentially answered him was the equivalent of a master builder looking around and saying "You can't do anything further on this project from here except to tear it all down."

Smith feels we all eventually wind up in same the place Nicodemus finds himself in. We know that what springs from our best effort will not get us closer to God. I understood the Nicodemus story in a new light (where, by the way, the night in this night conversation is never emphasized).

Mary commented on a post "Making connections seems to be part of human nature, and a part of spirituality - a part of me." Another connection that happened outside conversation was when  we played a game that day for the first time. It turned out that playing this particular game was well timed with considering the Nicodemus story and Smith's take on it.

I could see Nicodemus’ reaction with what he essentially heard from Jesus to "start over".  To explore and unmake connections force the re-examination of values, faith and beliefs that were carefully worked out over years and abandoning old views that are dear to us. Jesus makes this clear to Nicodemus and simultaneously reassures us there is nothing to be afraid of in this re-examination.

Our John 3:16-17 discussion was difficult. Mary said she felt sorry for me because she when reads John 3:16 and all her associations are purely of joy. When I read John 3:16 the "whosoever believes" felt like it was declaring eternal life conditional on belief in Jesus. We identified these different associations came from our different childhood memories of John 3.

For her, Nicodemus and John 3:16 was and is about Sunday School, song and happily memorizing and taking to heart God's infinite love. For me I heard it used in sermons to invoke fear and duty. The fear was that how much I, as an individual, believed in Jesus and what that it meant if my behavior and faith might not be "enough" to qualify as true belief. The duty piece in my past worked with the Great Commission and was a litmus test for everyone's belief in Jesus. Pass the test and be saved. 

I initially found it hard to accept Mary feeling sorry for me because of, or despite, knowing these differences in our associations and what experiences we bring to the story. In the end, however, I was brought back to Jesus said to Nicodemus "The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit". We don't need to know why and how the Holy Spirit works in each of us or that we need to harmonize or agree in our understandings. I appreciated her feeling sorry about what had happened in my past.

What Jesus said to Nicodemus, about everyone who is born again:

 The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" and I confess, in the end, I am truly like Nicodemus - in the dark when it comes to knowledge of God and, at times, asking the same question "How can this be?" when confronted by some life events and with others I fill with self-righteousness despite my best efforts.

 More often I search for and attempt to see signs that appear to me to proceed from God rather than the world. I call, I cling, I want and there is no presence whispering answers in my ear. I can wonder where my faith lies...  deep down at times there is nothing but emptiness and darkness . I don't usually dare to utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my head at times like these. And suddenly the scripture's words  "My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me." runs through my head.

One part of God's grace is that these questions about God have moved me from potential worship of false Gods and idols in my life. The questions have served as a reminder that God is beyond description and yet I still must describe God working within me. They have finally been questions about the true nature of existence and have helped me map the contours of my faith regarding how best to live in this world. I can also accept that these contours can change.

“I am what I am,” is the answer the burning bush on Mount Sinai gives when Moses asks God's name. I discovered many years ago that a man named Ernst Bloch who maintained that this is mistranslated from the original Hebrew Ejher Asche Ejher which actually means “I will become what I will become.” In Bloch's reading, the unfolding of the holy spirit is something which is yet to come, the expression of an unfinished process.

This is why certainty and faith may not provide an immutable understanding of God in my life. This year I found out because Hebrew does not specify tense and that this could also be translated as "I am what I am becoming."

Today those are comforting words.