On the Second Sunday in Easter John's Gospel lesson for the day contains two appearance stories simultaneously constructed in a similar way but with profound differences. The disciples who were there for the first appearance had not believed the women and dismissed their account as an idle tale. Why is Thomas expected to believe their story when they all had not believed the women's account?The resurrection and appearance stories, like life experiences or art, present us with rich, multiple avenues to discover in continued reflections.
Before I go on with my new understanding of this account let me observe how important these posts are for me. Sometimes confessional and sometimes inspirational and the account of "Doubting Thomas" provides a perfect example of detailing why they are important.
On the Second Sunday in Easter three years ago I wrote about my past experience with this Gospel that I initially took to heart when, in front of my confirmation class, my pastor said to me the church does not need a Doubting Thomas. You can click on the link to read the full story. I didn't know how to handle the shame and guilt I felt at being public ally chastised by my pastor in this way. Last year's post was still cathartic.
These posts and time both worked together to see this account today in a new light. Repeating the same story in my past doesn't feel right and these posts have given me a habit of looking for the ways I currently feel about the scripture readings at any given moment.
Pastor Ray preached about the blessedness of true faith if that is what someone has about scripture but he also preached about the person who feels sincere doubt. Doubt is not necessarily wrong and to be avoided. In this account at the end of the second appearance Thomas does believe when Jesus appears to him. His answer to Jesus, "My Lord and my God!" is all the more heartfelt because Jesus recognized and fulfilled the conditions Thomas identified as necessary to his belief.
I imagine hearing the account of the first appearance given by the disciples. The details are not convincing. Jesus appears in a locked room but the disciples do not attest to his corporeality. Jesus only shows the wounds on his had and side. They did not learn what Thomas did and may have needed to know. Jesus may also have known even better than Thomas what would let Thomas and future generations of Christians believe. A true encounter with God will not be second-hand.
A completely new perspective opened up for me. Jesus became real for Thomas when he was in community with the disciples again. He experienced the resurrection by personal experience. This account gave the mystery of resurrection to generations of Christians to come because he could enter the locked room yet Thomas could put his hand in Jesus' side. It not only affirms that Jesus was not appearing as a ghost but that hearing what the disciples before called an "idle tale" and not believing, like all the disciples did in last week's Gospel, was blessed in Jesus' eyes as well.
Often, like the title of this post, doubt would appear to be the opposite of faith when, in fact doubt is the opposite of certainty. The distinction is particularly meaningful to me today. Pastor Ray preached about Mother Teresa's confession about God in her life. When I read her honesty about having tremendous doubts about God appearing in her life I didn't doubt her belief empathized with her more deeply in not expressing certainty she did not feel. Experiencing God's absence can make a profound impact on the human heart as well. Knowing Jesus after the resurrection keeps not only the memories but wounds that happened as he said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" adds to what God took on during the Crucifixion. God has all the remembrances and marks where God's absence was felt.
There are many times I read in the Gospel what Jesus says and attach some sort of judgment rather than pure love to them. The words of Jesus to Thomas "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." I always took these words to be an implicit criticism that Thomas should have believed without seeing him.Likely because of my past experience that judgmental voice of Jesus came from me. Now I see these words can be read as Jesus extending the blessing of all who have seen and believed to those who never have that opportunity.
I recognized today that my lord and my God is more loving, more expansive and took on more than I conceived of before this.
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