March 20, 2016 - Palm Sunday - Start of Holy Week

The traditional Creator Palm Sunday Service elements were all there this morning.  We started with the same Creator Praise songs in the narthex that we sung in the past.  We waved palm leaves in the narthex and dropped them processing into the sanctuary.  

The choir sang selections from The Day He Wore My Crown including Cornerstone. Hosanna and Shirley's beautiful solo on There's Something That's Different about Him.  Jon directed the music enthusiastically and with joy.   The choir sang with both power and nuance.   

The Passion of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ According to St. Luke was read starting with the hymn Go to Dark Gethsemane.  After the reading there were the Prayers of the People, Sharing The Peace, and the Eucharist.  Matt played pleasing piano on In The Singing and By Your Hand You Feed Your People.  The service ended with a triumphant Guide Me Ever Great Redeemer.  

Pastor Michelle wrote "Our Palm Sunday worship was glorious--filled with love and light--thanks to the efforts of so many of you!  With joy I watched and listened, as you greeted each other and welcomed the stranger in your midst….  The Spirit of our Risen Lord is indeed alive and well, blessing you, and working in and through you to bring blessing to others!"  One comment on our Meerkat streaming gave a succinct "Glorious!" comment.

Yet I came home from church without... what?

My reaction to today's worship I know can be common for people who attends church regularly however this is the first blog entry where there was no intellectual, emotional or devotional insight, high or revelation for me in worship to dwell on as a subject.  

Why?  Perhaps because there was no sermon and so many readings the focus was not any given passage but the whole passion narrative.  Maybe.  Perhaps participation was a factor.  As usual I played guitar and sang, but today was different partly due to the processional. I was in the choir, and played Peter in the dramatic reading.  I needed to react quickly and was constantly evaluating my performance.  Not exactly an inviting environment for insights, highs or revelations.

Perhaps familiarity with the rituals, habits and repetitions of this congregation around Palm Sunday played a part.  The first Easter Vigil service I experienced at Creator lives in my memory.  Over the years Easter Vigils have all been meaningful and yet the parts that are truly memorable are where something completely different happened and I am not as tuned into the energy.  

Perhaps repetition plays a part.  This brings to mind a Paul McCartney concert in Berkeley I went to years ago.  I was exuberant about his show's energy and attended the next performance of the tour as well.  It was the same show down to the patter between songs.  People around me loved it.  I wasn't engaged in the second performance until he accidentally knocked over a microphone.  Something new.

How does the passion story become new after having a lifetime of hearing it?  This morning there was a moment.  Craig read the part of Jesus without much time and preparation.  He inadvertently read the words of Jesus on the cross as "Forgive them Father for they know what they do".  Leaving out the "not" took me off auto-pilot.  I wondered if ti would have mattered whether they knew or do not know what they were doing in their Crucifixion roles?  Not necessarily an insight or revelation, so much as a question.    

The next question that comes to my mind, "Is the insight, high, or revelation necessary?".  Is "something that's different" needed each week?.  

If I did not have this blog writing discipline (or my working on the Transition Team in the phase where we are identifying Creator's future Ministry) I doubt I would dwell on this question.  Yet this is how many people can feel (and I have felt) after particular Sunday services.  Today I am confronted with a few truths and an underlying reason for these blog posts. 

1. Telling the truth about my subjective experience.  This freedom allowed me to explore individual emotions and thoughts I have brought into the service.  This feels like a different subjective experience where others experienced an intended connection or meaning that I did not   
2. I write about what services mean for me every Sunday.  I need to confront a rather irrational fear. When will this happen again and how often?  Will it make reading the blog boring?
3. Will I unintentionally hurt people?  This has little to nothing to do with the planning or execution of Palm Sunday but personal disconnection can come off as an implicit criticism of the effort put into the worship and my true appreciation of the planning and preparation may sound hollow.

There is a self-centeredness tied in everything I have written in this particular blog post, even a belief that Holy Week somehow might depend on the overall contributions of all churches to it, to the perfect reactions (including mine), the right blog post writings, the best prayers, the deepest reflections and meditations together with the finest services. 

Perhaps this all comes form a quiet fear within me about the power of Holy Week might have.  Will it be overwhelming without the right lens to filter the story?  My current reasons listed here may be precisely the filters I need to confront and challenge why I reacted the way I did today.

Hope the beginning of Holy Week was blessed for you and will remain so during the coming days..